Who's the Bigger Whore War
by Phoenix with a Head Cold
Summary: "It started out as an innocent Ruffle chapter...but then jello was added, and the evil powers of jello overcame us, thus leading to a full scale who's the bigger whore war." Who's the bigger whore? You decide.


Geegee: Well, here we are. Red's asleep, but Yellow and Geegee are still here, eating pixy stix and jello..we havn't had jello in a while, almost forgot what it tasted like.. boy this jello sure is good. Yellow: And having Yellow's dog attack us. Geegee: And stealing our pixy stix. Yellow: Bad puppy, go to your room! Geegee: Guess what we just finished watching? (Giggles) Ewan! In Moulin Rouge! Pelvic Thrusts! Yellow: (Giggles) Ewan. Geegee: Well, on with the show.  
  
Ginny: (walks into room holding a plate of jello..jiggling more the like, rubbing some of it all over herself) Oh Snapie..  
  
Snapie: Oh jello! (Runs over and grabs plate, After eating it all, looks around for more).  
  
Ginny: Oh Snapie.(stares seductively downward).  
  
Snapie: (Looks down) Ginny.it's alive  
  
Sirius: (walks in)  
  
Ginny: (looks over) But-but you died!  
  
Sirius: (shrugs) Yes, well Harry shoved some jello down my throat.or shall I say.Yellow.  
  
Yellow: Sirius! You promised!  
  
Sirius: (grins guiltily) Anyway.who knew that yellow and jello could bring back the dead?  
  
Geegee: Wait, Yellow, you screwed Sirius' dead body?  
  
Yellow: (blinks and walks away).  
  
Geegee: But that's not faaaaair!  
  
Sirius: Well ladies, there's enough of Sirius to go around..(he and Geegee walk off into a closet)  
  
Snapie: Well, guess its just you and me Yellow.  
  
Ginny: Wait! What about me?  
  
Snapie: (shrugs) Alright, come on. (all walk off somewhere dark).  
  
Dumbledore: (walks in and opens the closet in hopes of getting a candy) Oh! Oh, sorry..  
  
McGonagall: What's taking so long Allllbus?  
  
Dumbledore: Sorry, I accidentally walked in on Sirius and Geegee doing.things...  
  
McGonagall: Oh dear!  
  
Sirius: You both can join if you want!  
  
McGonagall and Dumbledore: (in unison) Ooooh! Yay! (enter closet and shut the door)  
  
Meanwhile.Hagrid and Mrs. Norris have stumbled across the dark corner and have joined the private party.  
  
Snapie: Wait! It doesn't have to be private. The more the merrier!  
  
Ginny: Snapie! (pulls him back to.well.stuff.)  
  
Back at the wild orgy..  
  
Since we left the lot of them, more guests have joined, including Crookshanks, Mrs. Weasley, Luna, and Harry (our hero)  
  
Geegee: (screaming) Oh Dumbledore!!! Oh!  
  
Dumbledore: Knew you'd like that!  
  
McGonagall: My turn, Dumbledore, you promised!  
  
Back at the dark corner slut hut.  
  
Yellow: (moaning something that sounds suspiciously like Trelawney, oh yes, I like that)  
  
Mrs. Norris had pulled in Filch, and the Creevey brothers could be heard hitting each other trying to get next in line to Yellow.  
  
Trelawney: Is that an ancient Greek move?  
  
Back at the "still in the closet" party...  
  
Geegee: UMBRIDGE!!! That quill does wonders! Oh! I like the pain!  
  
Umbridge: Well, you've been a naughty girl and need to be punished!  
  
Neville: Geegee, I'm afraid I've been a bad boy.could you use Umbridge's techniques and teach me a lesson?  
  
Geegee: Of course.just let me get finished with Ron over here..  
  
Back at the tag and shag.  
  
Lucius Malfoy: Oh Yellow, that's different!  
  
Narcissa: It most certainly is! Oh!  
  
Draco: I want some of the action: (Yellow rips off his leather pants, the only item left he was wearing)  
  
Crabbe: (pulls out strawberry flavoured condoms)  
  
Yellow: We need condoms?  
  
Goyle: No, we thought you'd like the taste though.  
  
Yellow: Oh, I do..  
  
Back at the lay and pay..  
  
Dumbledore and McGonagall are currently doing things that one shouldn't be forced to imagine.  
  
Geegee: Oh! Blaise! I never knew one could have BOTH sex organs! I guess that's because no one quite knows! Hey, Seamus, would you like to join? You too, Lavender, Parvati and Cho!  
  
Lavendar and Parvati: (unlatch themselves from Mr. Weasley) Can he join too?  
  
Geegee: Of course! The more people, the more horny I get!  
  
Back at the be a whore or you're a bore.  
  
Yellow and Fudge had rolled away, landing at the feet of dementors. They lowered their hoods..  
  
Yellow: Would you like to join?  
  
Dementors: (look at each other and nod)  
  
Yellow: Oh but wait, you brought someone else!  
  
Pettigrew: (walks out from behind them) May I join?  
  
Yellow: Oh yes, you know you turn me on, soooo much..  
  
Back at the Mutt and Slut (if you catch my drift)  
  
Geegee: Sirius! Doggie style? How fitting..Oh! Percy! Come on! Those horn- rimmed glasses make me hot!  
  
Voldie: May I join Geegee? I love you!  
  
Geegee: No sentiments, Voldie! Just pure sex!  
  
Voldie: Of course!  
  
Bellatrix: Sirius, I'm ever so sorry for killing you! May I join?  
  
Sirius: If it's okay with Geegee...  
  
Geegee: Oh yes..I love them dangerous...(purrs)  
  
Harry: That's good.because I just reek of danger...  
  
Hermione: Oh.I don't..but could I join anyway?  
  
Geegee: Of course you can.I just can't say no!  
  
Back at the Nut and Smut..  
  
Yellow and Flitwick are going at it pretty hard, when they bump into someone.  
  
Filch: Yellow, I want to marry you.  
  
Yellow: Oh I'm sorry, I wouldn't get married purely for your good sex, I'd want you to be hot to turn me on enough, and you're not.maybe Mrs. Norris though.then we can be cousins and have fun that way! (looks down) Keep at it Professor! Punish me! Come on!  
  
Flitwick: (Borrows Ginny's whip) Come to Papa!  
  
Back at the leer and smear...  
  
Sprout: Geegee! You're a miracle worker! Oh! That's great! Ooooh! Right there!  
  
Lockhart: No! It's MY turn! Geegee, even though I don't remember who I am, I still remember you were the best lay I've ever had! Please do me again!  
  
Geegee: But of course, how could I say no to my FAVOURITE professor.you gave the HARDEST detentions.they were REALLY LONG and REALLY HARD..  
  
Oliver: Geegee! I came back from my professional Quidditch team practise! I heard you were giving out free sex.which is so unlike you..usually you charge a ton of money! So I brought my entire Quiddich team with me!  
  
(Six, big, old, and sweaty guys enter)  
  
Guy one: Do me Geegee!  
  
Guy two: Oh please!  
  
Guy three: Don't you remember me Geegee? I was your best customer!  
  
Geegee: Oh yay! More sex!  
  
Back in the dark corner of sex.  
  
Dobby and Winky: What is going on?!  
  
Yellow: (Seductive smile) Sex, want some?  
  
Dobby: From you! Yes! Come on Winky!  
  
Lupin: Yellow?  
  
Yellow: (Throws off Buckbeak) Remus!  
  
Lupin: I heard you were having an orgy, and since you were my best student, I figured I'd take time out of my busy schedule to see you!  
  
Yellow: Oh yes! Werewolves turn me on so bad! Stop making me so hot!  
  
Lupin: You know you like it Yellow.  
  
Back at the randy and dandy...  
  
Geegee: Oh! Oliver! Oh! Oh! You know just how to treat a girl!  
  
Oliver: I know..  
  
Kreacher: Geegee! I love you! Do me! Oh please!  
  
Geegee: Of course Kreacher! You and your evil trouser-snogging ways really turn me on! Oh! You're so sexy!  
  
Kreacher: I know!  
  
Moody: Geegee! But while you're doing Kreacher, would you mind doing me as well? I've looked at you SO many times with my eye..I've seen parts of you that no one has seen before!  
  
Geegee: I wouldn't be too sure of that!  
  
Back at the I'm a whore, I'm a whore, I'm a dirty whore party.  
  
Yellow: (Pushes off Nagini as Sirius' mum enters)  
  
Sirius's Mum: Oh you're hot!  
  
Yellow: I know.  
  
Ginny: (from under Snapie) I know too!  
  
Yellow: (looks over) Too right you do.(licks lips)  
  
Fred: Hey Yellow!  
  
Yellow: (pushes of Sirius' Mum)  
  
Sirius' Mum: Ow, I broke my hip!  
  
Yellow: You'll get over it, Nagini is flexible.  
  
George: Care for a threesome? Courtesy of twincest?  
  
Yellow: Sounds like a blast!  
  
Fred: (Giggles girlily) George is really good.  
  
Yellow: (eyes both) Oh, I'll bet he is.(grabs them on their.yes.and leads them a bit away)  
  
Back at the bang a wang...  
  
Geegee: (currently shagging Bill) Oh! Bill! Do that again! That was WONDERFUL!  
  
Bill: Yes..that's called the loop the loop..and if you liked that you should see my merry-go-round!  
  
Geegee: I would love to!  
  
Quirrel: Geegee! Does my purple turban turn you on?  
  
Geegee: Oh yes! It's lovely! I think the colour suits you nicely!  
  
Stan Shunpike: Geegee, I'll take you anywhere you want to go!  
  
Ernie Prang: Yes Geegee, you can ride my bus!  
  
Geegee: Oh! But of course! You both are SOOOO hot...  
  
Viktor: But Geegee, don't you vant to do me? I came all ze vay from Bulgaria just to see you!  
  
Geegee: Well in that case, you can join in!  
  
Back at the in large and in charge.  
  
Yellllllllow: Charlie! Right there! That's how I like it!  
  
Charlie: Oh that wasn't me, that was the dragon that time.  
  
Yellow: Oh, fiery hot, that explains the burning.  
  
Fleur: Oh, is that what that is? I thought it was just you Yellow.  
  
SUDDENLY.Star Wars music comes on.a space ship lands.  
  
It is the mighty Ewan!  
  
After seeing the mess, Ewan pulls out his sexy lightsaber.no.not that  
one.the one that shines.no..not that one.the one used battling  
evil.no.not that one, the one used for killing people, and kills the  
entire population of Hogwarts. Thusly saving Yellow and Geegee from  
the peril and pervosity that was too perilous and perverted for them.  
  
Geegee: Oh thank you Ewan!  
  
Yellow: Yes you're a life saver!  
  
Geegeee: Or a lightsaber!  
  
Both: (giggle)  
  
Ewan: Oh, anything for you girls (smiles charmingly)  
  
Yellow: So, what made us do those terrible things Ewan? (eyelashes  
flutter amazingly fast)  
  
Geegee: Oh please Ewan tell us (swoons)  
  
Ewan: I'm afraid (close up) it was the jello.  
  
*  
  
Okay, this story wasn't supposed to be like this! No! We swear! We were just going to write a normal chapter of Ruffle.but suddenly GEEGEE had to go and say I did Sirius.and before we knew it, this story turned into a who's the bigger whore war!  
  
(Blinks) No, YOU made ME do Sirius, not the other way around! So it was your fault!  
  
No, no, I don't think so.LOOK, let's just let the readers decide, eh? YOU tell US whose fault this story is!  
  
Yellow.scroll up.you made me do Sirius.alright then, you readers decide! 


End file.
